I was made to be a mommy, team mom was my nick name in high school and college, as I enjoy caring for people....but it is HARD work! I love to plan and nothing usually goes as planned....like right now Reese should be napping but she is fussing! Anyways, I was thinking about what "traps" I fall into as a mommy that make things hard for me and for my family....things I know "mommy hood" is working on in me.
1) Learning to stop, assess the situation, rather than rushing in and reacting to it. I am a reactor, especially to crying babies. But that doesn't always help. I am often thinking...quick! Put out the flames before they get bigger! This creates a lot of stress in me and puts a lot of demands on my husband, ie, do it NOW or disaster will strike! But if I am always reacting to my kids, that is what they will expect, for me to rush in and save them right away before figuring it out on their own. My goal is to work on my nature...less reacting, more waiting and assessing, with the goal of the joy in watching them do it themselves or learn something new.
2) Be willing to guess and check. Kids and babies are always growing and changing. What works today at noon may not work tonight at 6. I don't like the risk involved with guess and check...too risky if it makes everything WORSE than it already is. BUT what if it makes it better...what if my kid or my baby learns to calm themselves. I have to know that I am up for guess and check and have a back up plan if possible. But I need to be more willing for things to go wrong just to see if they might be better, for my kids, for my husband, and for me. Guess and check should come naturally, as there are so many theories about child raising, from books to blogs to any mom you talk to, everyone has a sure fix for your situation. What is the harm in trying it out? The harm in not trying it out is "painting myself into a corner" I can't get out of...." I have to.....or else chaos will happen. Surprisingly I don't have to wear the front pack 8 hours a day.
My dad watched Maleah for me last week while I took Reese to the doctor. I figured she could cry with us at the appointment or maybe nap with my dad in the front pack at home. This was a pretty low risk guess and check for me. Turns out she napped for him and he discovered something helpful for me. Maleah does better with a longer wake time! I had been keeping it to 45 minutes and now know she naps better after an hour plus of wake time!
My goal in being a mommy is for my kids and I to enjoy each other rather than need each other. Hopefully working on these two areas will get us closer to that goal.
2 comments:
Hi Kimber! I found your blog - bwahahaha! I just wanted to mention that I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job. Being a mommy is a tough job. Kids can be "raised" to a point but in a lot of ways, they just come out the way they are, with a unique personality that doesn't necessarily always fit into your planning or schedules. You can't just fit kids into a parenting style, you have to find out what works for each little human within each little family. Your girls are great, I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job of this! (But yes, I also know how frustrating it can be when your always-takes-a-long-nap kid decides not to nap or to fuss on the one day you were REALLY depending on it!). We need to make a play date soon - Fridays work great for us! I can't wait to get some advice on how to parent TWO little kids :)
Thanks Judy! I love reading your blog! ;) Yes please to a Friday soon...so we can talk about "this time last year" when we were about to run a 1/2 marathon!! Seems like years ago now!
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